Independency is a drug that we all wished to taste when we were young. From having our own house to earning a seven-figure salary, we think that is what will give us freedom or as they say ‘make us stand on our two feet.’ But as we grow up, we realise that being independent is difficult and has many layers. Even though some layers are visible, there are things we depend on without even realising. So how do you understand how much independence you really have in your life and how to know if the things you depend on are not harming you?
Question 1: Are we Independent?
The two ways we depend according to dependency need,
1. Biological needs
2. Social needs
Biological needs are basic survival needs, such as protection from harm, consumption of food, and regulation of body temperature; they are mechanisms used to promote and support proper body functioning.
Social needs are “Acquired psychological processes that activate emotional responses to particular need-relevant incentives.” (Reeve, 2009) Need for eye contact, expression of positive emotions by caretakers or loved ones, and cuddling — anything that fosters a sense of emotional security — defining social need. The four basic social needs are: power, achievement, intimacy, and affiliation. People who power need to gain dominance, achieve high statuses, and/or achieve prominent positions in their occupations, households, or social groups or organizations. These people look for leadership roles and are happy and content when they are in control. People who have achievement needs will seek and accomplish tasks. The strive for achievement can develop strongly in children when influenced by their parents. It links intimacy needs to affiliation needs. We can seek intimacy needs when in close, personal relationships with others. Fulfilment of intimacy needs can help decrease an individual’s chance of developing onset of depression, and help reduce an individual’s fears of being rejected. Affiliation needs are people’s needs to feel a sense of involvement and “belonging” within a social group; affiliation needs have to do more with the acceptance of behaviour. It is human nature for people to want acceptance by others and get approval from them.It is also innate for people to want to keep healthy and positive relationships with others around them.
Source: Wikipedia
The new thing which we depend on now and cannot imagine human beings surviving without is Technological dependency. Technology dependency started slow. But now technology has become one of the most important sources in order for humankind to survive.
Question 2: Is it okay to depend?
We know humans for our dependence on each other and other living and non-living beings for survival. We depend on various resources and people to fulfil both our biological and social needs. We cannot imagine an environment where one human does not depend to survive. But in recent times we human depend on each other and non-living things not only for survival. Our definition of survival has changed as time passed on. We depend on a lover to provide us happiness, which we believe is important for our survival. Hence when someone leaves us, we cannot accept that we no longer depend on them and that causes psychological pain and sometimes mental illness. We depend on our milkman, postman and vegetable vendors to provide us our basic things for survival. Though we don’t think they play a major part in our life, times like a pandemic makes us understand that we do and more than we expected of. So, is it okay to be dependent? To an extent, yes. but if that dependency affects your lifestyle to a point that the lack of it will affect your survival, then you need to understand its harmful and detach from it. Think of it as being in a toxic relationship. While we love the other person to a point that their opinions and decisions become ours, we need to understand that this toxicity has many harmful effects on both our physical and mental health, Many of the times the things we think we need for survival are just excuses we make or avoid not depending on them.
3. What do we depend on the most?
Let’s further understand the process:
If you feel you are dependent, try answering these questions;
· What do I depend on the most? (Is it people/feelings/things)
· Does it improve my life or worse?
If your answer to the second question is negative, then you should take a step back and learn how to let go because it is most toxic. This process can work through anything.
Suppose you are in a toxic relationship and you depend on your partner, this is harmful as being in a toxic relationship will affect you both physically and mentally. You could stop denying the facts in front of you and shift the focus on yourself instead. When you work on yourself and loving yourself, you will refuse to stay around someone who loves you any less. It could be work, a habit you cultivated or even for the social media you use.
Dependency at a larger proportion becomes addiction. And though you could have various means to stop addiction, the best way is to analyse yourself in each step. Cutting yourself from things you depend on but are actually harmful for you is a hard process and there are high chances you might fail. But take it one day at a time and slowly you will see a better version of yourself.
